After considerable meditation; I found it just wasnít
To think I could have; with my own, what I had with my mom,
For what we had, was so rare.
My conclusions rest that Iíll never have; with my girls,
What my mother had with me.
For Iím not the woman my mother was, not even half; as she.
Though I remember I treated her much like my own have
acted toward me
Wiping the watery tears from my eyes; has opened them, so I can see
That Iíve been selfish to want from them; what I shared
so long ago
With a woman that gave such motherly love, that it could boost any ego.
Not that thatís what I looked for to share; when yearning
for my own offspring
Actually Iím not sure what it was I was looking for, or knew what their closeness may bring.
I only wanted to give them what my mother had so freely
But I realize Iím the one who wanted or needed ďa motherís company.Ē
My girls are self sufficient; having friends that fill
Now I find Iíll have to come to grips; that in their presence, they get annoyed.
Iím glad that they donít need me; as I once hoped that
they would do
For it makes it easier for me to leave, when my life; here on earth, is through.
I find Iím missing my mom more and more, as age rises
like a flood
And covers my lifeless body; in death, to the grave; with sod & mud.
Now I welcome the thought of leaving, for I can share
And I realize itís not my girls at all; itís my own lonelinessí, taunting me.
For I long for the love of my own mother that no daughter
of mine could fill
And know they could never fill those shoes no matter of what talent or skill.
Itís sad though that they do not yearn; for what my mother
and I did share
But my daughterís have friends they care for more, so why would they even care?
I wish weíd had had a chance to bond; as I had a bond
But though they donít care to experience it, I know theyíll be just fine.
You see I know Iím really blessed, as I almost missed
But lucky enough to grasp it in time, before her life here was through.
Oh I had my own resentments; that tired to interfere
And it almost made me loose; what today, I hold so dear.
Even though I miss her more than any mere words can convey
I know weíll be together again one sweet & glorious day.
And I know if she were here right now Iíd have to make
For even though I've been a daughter to her; Iíve not been much a friend.
What belonged only to us Iíve tried to share with mine;
But today; if I could go to her, Iíd gladly leave mine behind
Iíd gladly say it is the truth; and wasnít the right thing
And hope to put smiles on her face; for Iíd not want to see her blue.
So I send up my earnest apologies to the one that deserves
And I raise my glass to you; once more, for itís you, that I give my toast.
I toast you for being a mother, one that taught me the
best you could.
Giving me more than I deserved and whatever else you could
Your motherly love was never ending and thatís a treasure
And itís that love that you so freely gave me, thatís the love I wanted to share.
Written for my mother on the eve of my birthday,
October 11, 2007
copyright all rights reserved
by Sydell R. Linsicombe-Hall